The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
