im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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