dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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