So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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