Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They took my balls.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
