Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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