Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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