I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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