Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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