you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
