Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
