You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
