i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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