You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i will never coherently bang her
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
