we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
