you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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