Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Alive.
So much puke
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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