he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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