I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
