You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
