i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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