You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
