There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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