Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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