We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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