and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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