"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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