I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
