we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
