I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
