By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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