It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
