do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What a dumb baby whore.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
