I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
