im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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