Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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