Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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