Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
