I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
