is your mom at the bar?
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
