He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
