just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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