I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
