omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize