I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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