took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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