So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
