I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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