I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
