it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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