I'm jealous of your bromance
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
