I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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