Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
