He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
