My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
