not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
