just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
