I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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