I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
