If i come over, it means nothing
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
