"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
