Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
