i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
