i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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