Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
