Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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