dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
