you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize