we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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