i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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