I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
