Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
