Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
