Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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