So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
